Frickin’ Leg Jitters — Restless Leg Syndrome

So, I’m lying in bed, right? And I’m sleepy, and I’m pretty comfy, and everything is conducive to conking out — except my damn legs. Rebecca and I call it “the jitters”, though I’m pretty confident what we’re talking about is Restless Leg Syndrome.

I keep getting pulled back out of sleep by the nagging sensation in my legs. They’re still bugging me now, as I type — it’s a tickly, irritating feeling. Imagine, as a comparison, drifting off to sleep, only to be awakened by a soft voice saying “Meeky meeky!” Then the voice goes silent, and you fall back asleep a few moments later, at which point it pipes up again. “Meeky? Meeky!”

(I don’t know why the voice says “meeky” in this example. But then, I don’t know what causes restless legs, either. Nor do doctors.)

There are some ideas for things that might help. I tried stretching to no avail — and now I’ve read that my particular flavor of RLS is identified by my varicose veins, so maybe I should, you know, stop having those. (There’s some discoloration in my legs that the doctor said is actually RUST — iron getting oxidized as a result of my varicose veins, or something like that. So, I’m rusting.)

Something they didn’t suggest that I thought of on my own: amputation. Considering how sedentary my lifestyle is, I don’t think I’d have many adverse effects. It would make driving a bit trickier, especially with my standard transmission, but I figure I’d still be as good as most Utah drivers.

(Have you noticed, by the way, that every state in the union is criticized for having the worst drivers? I don’t know of any place I’ve ever been where I felt surrounded by intelligent, turn-signal using, considerate drivers. But I can say this: Florida has the worst drivers. May my beloved Grandmother rest in peace as I say this, but sitting shotgun beside a 4’11” octogenarian was terrifying, and I know there are plenty more like here in the Sunshine State.)

(Florida’s motto: Come here for the sunshine, stay here because you died.)

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